Archive for the ‘Recap’ Category

Previously on The Biggest Loser we met this season’s batch of contestants, they promised to stop being a bunch of fatties, they jumped off a cliff together, worked out (and barfed) together and then they all weighed in without any really amazingly large numbers.

Tonight! Big Kev is coming, the ads keep telling us. The biggest contestant in worldwide Biggest Loser history. More training, with Mish losing her shit at Brett, just before the first competitive weigh in of the year where they might avoid facing elimination altogether if they can lose 100kg as a group.

Then… it’s not just Big Kev, he’s coming with a partner. AND ANOTHER COUPLE. Sneaky fuckers. Look to be the old Shannan blue and a new yellow shirt team. Should rock the boat. Will also bring the groups up to 9 in total, making 3 per trainer. How convenient!

But first, Shannan rocks up with Mish and Commando while telling us that none of the contestants trained last night. It’s not a health retreat, Shannan says, they’re supposed to be burning 600 calories morning and night, lest they go home.

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Previously on The Biggest Loser the thunderthighs weighed in and they did some weird age morphing thing with computers that made them all look old and ugly.

Tonight! The rules change (already?!) and Jess is already considering leaving, except we know she’s not going to because we can see her in the challenge later tonight…

Yes, later tonight the first challenge for the year sees the contestants dragging a heavy sledge across the grass beside a runway while Commando Steve gets a joyride on a jet plane.

The trainers are sitting around chatting to the contestants in the lounge after a hard week’s training. They’ve all got a lot of questions for the trainers still, what to eat, what exercises to do, etc. Then Hayley rocks up!

She wants the contestants to follow her outside so she can tell them something. Why couldn’t they do it inside? Who knows!

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Previously on The Biggest Loser promises were made, cliffs were jumped and we discovered a partnership will win, rather than a single contestant!

Tonight, baptism of fire in the first training session, Mr Voiceover Man promises us. Later, bio ages. Always good for some horrified stares.

But first, the very first weigh in of the new season, woo!

Each contestant will weigh in with their partner and the first onto the scales will be Robyn and Katie. Orange girls!

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And we’re off! Michelle’s getting in a creepy white van… where a bunch of TVs are set up so she can monitor the eating habits of the first contestant.

Jess is having breakfast. Breakfast is ice cream. A 4 litre tub of it. With Ice Magic! Delicious!

Todd’s next, Steve’s watching him cook up a bunch of dim sims and spring rolls and amazed they’re all for Todd.

Next is Janet with a bunch of chocolate biscuits on her lap and her husband conveniently arrives home so she shoves them beside the lounge chair so he doesn’t see them.

Jess is later seen getting a steak. And then another steak. And then a smaller steak. Presumably washed down with steak? Plus a bunch of quick snips of all the contestants eating all sorts of “junk”.

Mish says this year’s Biggest Loser is tackling generational obesity. Commando Steve says their lives hang in the balance and Shannan reckons the parents will be burying their children if they don’t get things in order.

Gerald has a sad because he’s got his son into appalling shape. What sort of father has he been? He’s in tears on the scales and Mish tells him he’s a good Dad, Gerald denies it and Todd says he’s the best!

RARRRRRRR! Black team youngster is a big shouter, it seems. Pink team have some shouty confrontations.

Mish runs! Mish suggests a big fella can go down pussy street or man up lane! Mish asks another girl how breakfast tastes the second time around!

Challenges include abseiling, boatrowing, planes? Truck pull! Water getting dumped on their heads… Okay, that’s not a challenge.

Shock twists! Heaviest contestant in the world, ever. Not sure if that’s a regular contestant because they don’t show who it is…

SO MANY THINGS. And if you fall I will catch you I will be waiting! Time after time… Okay, this is not an appropriate song, nobody could catch most of these people, they’re too big!

All that stuff and more, etc.

Finally the show gets started. The contestants are all crammed on a bus with some camera crew on the way to a destination unknown. Where does everyone think they’re going? Todd suggests they’re going to The Biggest Loser house. Well, we’ve got a fucking genius on our hands, it seems.

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The Biggest Loser Australia 2012 Finale starts now!

It should have started quite a few minutes ago but Masterchef, a prerecorded-months-ago show, didn’t run to time. Which I’m sure is not at all related to their dismal showing in the ratings for their debut episode. Not trying to grab some of that Biggest Loser audience, no sir.

Anyway, on with what we’re all waiting for – FINALE!

This year sixteen overweight singles went into Camp hoping to lose weight and maybe find love. Most of them succeeded in the former and a few have even succeeded at the latter.

Cue the montage! Lots of shots of the grossly obese complaining they wanted to find love and nobody would want them because they’re fat and not because some of them are really quite awful people. Nope, it’s just because they’re fat.

In the time I wrote all that they’re still running the recapped footage of the season and talking about the JOURNEY.

Get on with the reveals and the weigh ins, dangit!

The Final Four is Margie, Alex, Kasey and Brenda. In case anyone has forgotten since Sunday.
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