Previously on The Biggest Loser Families… THE ENTIRE SEASON! If you’re only tuning in now you’re a bit late. But I guess watching the first episode and the last episode is also a valid choice.

It’s finally the finale, the final time the final remaining contestants weigh in and the final time everyone else weighs in and someone finally wins a bunch of money. Because that’s what the show is all about, giving a formerly fat person a bunch of cash to fritter away, or spend on cosmetic procedures to undo the lingering effects of drastic weight loss. Hooray!

The final three contestants this year are all from the same family, the all-conquering Jofres. Tony, Daniel and Pablo are three brothers who, with their uncle Rob, have dominated the competition all season long. It’s a battle to the finish and no matter which of the boys win it’s probably safe to assume they have the title of biggest losing family safely under their belt.

And having seen the ads I already know I’m going to be awful distracted by Princess Fiona’s sparkly glittery boobs. That’s an amazing black sparkly top she’s wearing, it really is.

Anyway, strap in. It’s going to be a bit of a… JOURNEY!

We’re up to 50,000 kg in total weightloss across all the seasons, apparently. Getting some replayed footage of all the years that have gone before. Crazy to see so many people the show has helped over the years. Or at least tried to help. For ratings.

Then a bunch of recaps of what has happened this season, starting with the trainers gorging themselves with their families again. Michelle tackling that baby-sized burrito again, hilarious!

And then Shannan’s epic battles with the Pestells. Remember that? When Shannan still had a team? Yeah.

Remember when Shannan and Steve and Mish had a bit of a bicker in the weigh in room? Yeah, that was pretty awful too. I hope they’ve made up since!

First up, we’re checking in with the Auvales. I guess they’re going to reveal the families in groups, at least the eliminated ones? Bit easier this year since none but the Jofres made it to the final group!

But anyway Mr Voiceover Man is recapping the season. Rina got eliminated, Moses got sick, went home, Johnee and Tenealle want a baaaaaaaaaaby.

And here the Auvales are, walking out onto the stage. Johnee’s looking quite a bit slimmer, as is Rina. Moses is looking smashing in a leather jacket and jeans. Tenealle doesn’t seem to have a bun in the oven. Are they waiting some more?

Rina has a sparkly greyish blue dress and far too much makeup on her face. Moses flexes his muscles as he gets to the end of the runway. Johnee’s showboating the whole way down. Tenealle’s got a weight dress with sparkly blue patterning all over. Maybe has a bit of a belly? Is that a still a bit chubby belly or is that a pregnant belly?

Fiona says they’re all looking amazing, the girls are glowing, Moses is asked to show the guns to the ladies again. Hah!

Rina and Moses’ daughter has also lost a bunch of weight, Rina says her daughter is her hero. Awww!

Johnee and Tenealle, any closer to having a baby? Johnee says yes, they’re a lot closer now. And it’s also improved some other aspects, he says, while giving sly looks to the audience. Fiona tells him to knock it off, this is a family show. Johnee insists he was just talking about their friendship. Sure you were, Johnee. Sure you were!

And now, the Hailwoods. Remember those amazing looking burgers they were cooking on the BBQ when Tiffiny met them? Gosh they looked good. Not healthy, but delicious. Right?

The Hailwoods were the first team to arrive at Camp after a race to be the first there. Then they went out, one after the other, leaving just Cliff in the house for a while. During the trainer argument apparently Cliff called Steve a “hairy bitch”? What? Okay, Cliff. You don’t do insults good.

And now they’re out on stage and Sam in particular looks SMASHING in a little red dress. Sylvia’s got a black dress, not a great choice since it shows how much better Fiona looks in one.

Kayla’s got a shiny gold top on with a long tight black skirt, which looks awesome as she’s obviously done really well on the outside as well.

Sam’s walk down the catwalk is ended with a bit of model-like posing, she’s obviously feeling a lot better about herself these days! Cliff’s just in jeans, jacket and a nice shirt. He’s looking quite a bit skinnier too, has obviously done well. They finish up with a group “HIYAHHHHHHH” like they’re some kind of ninjas.

Cliff’s looking at Fiona like he used to look at chicken wings. Sam’s up the other end of the line from him. Trouble, or just the order they made them march down the catwalk? Hmm.

Next family up, the Pestells. Who Fiona says “pushed everyone’s buttons”. That’s putting it very, very politely! Poor Shannan really drew the short straw this season, didn’t he? Probably the angriest, least cooperative family in Biggest Loser history?

Mel was struggling to find love, Mr Voiceover Man reminds us. Is Mel and Pablo officially a thing yet? Not sure Pablo wants it as much as Mel wants it. Heh.

The Pestells really only turned things around once Ali was sent home, leading Jodie and Mel to good things, at least until Jodie was also sent home. And after that, Mel managed to nab a Biggest Loser of the Week title!

Now, they’re out on stage. Terry’s looking pretty good still, maybe not much weight losr since last we saw him? Jodie’s looking a bit lighter though and her fancy hair looks a lot better on her than the sweaty mess she had all the time in the house. Nice black sparkly dress with shoulders covered.

Ali struts out like she owns the place, as usual. Bright red hair and a blue dress. She makes it to the end of the runway but Tilly, her daughter, has jumped up out of the crowd to chase her Mum. So cute!

Mel’s still pretty big. It’s a nice sparkly blue dress she’s got on. Fiona says sparkles must be in, Jodie confirms it’s a sparkle party!

Terry says his girls look amazing, they’ve started their journeys but they haven’t finished of course. Ali looks like she might spit up a bit of bile but remembers, for a change, that the cameras are rolling.

Mel confirms she is “single and ready to mingle”. So no Mablo? Awww. Even Fiona was pro-Mablo!

And now, Rob! The only Jofre not in the final group. Aww. He was the eldest of their family, a new Dad with a second bub on the way, so he’s been doing it for his girlfriend and their kids. They say fiancee but 9 years, you ain’t. Commit!

So, how’s he looking now? Geez, even younger and skinnier. He’s obviously kept it up on the outside just fine. At least so far. The contestants burst into a bit of “Ole ole ole ole” but with the accent marks above them. I can’t really be bothered finding the right buttons. Sorry. Anyway, they’re singing and cheering for Rob.

And in the crowd, his partner, their daughter and the teeny tiny baby are watching. Well, the teeny tiny baby seems to be sleeping through the whole thing. And drooling a little. She was born six days after he returned home from the competition, so that was pretty great timing!

Rob’s goal was to get to 99kg, so he could finally marry his lovely lady. Will he get there tonight? Rob says it’s been nine and a half years, if it doesn’t happen tonight she can wait a bit longer, right? Gotta get these things right. Two kids now, he’s pretty sure he’s got it right. Hah!

Of course none of this would be possible without the trainers. Let’s watch their journey. Starting again with the orging on foods. Those pizzas look good, I’m so hungry.

The trainers weighed in and had gained quite a few kilos after all that bad eating and minimal exercise. None of them were too happy about it. Mish turned around on her team once they started working out though, with the Jofres proving to be strong in the exercise department. Possibly helped by having a qualified personal trainer, Tony, on the team!

Do they have to do the catwalk too? Yup! They’re all microphoned up and Mish has a deeply plunging neckline on her black dress. And maybe there’s a bit of a tummy there? Baby? Maybe?

Tiff’s in a blue dress, interestingly. Thought she’d go white for her team?

Shannan had his work cut out for him, Fiona says. Shannan agrees, says he’d never had a group of more belligerent, argumentative people. But it’s all worth it to see them here looking so much happier.

Tiff says it’s always hard to change your lives as dramatically as this, but her team was a pleasure to train and they had a lot of fun.

Then Fiona says a special congratulations for Michelle and Commando Steve, for the news they have a baby on the way. HEEEEEEEE. TINY SCARY FIT BABY. Steve says he’s going to sic him or her on the contestants at some point in the future and Fiona says it’ll be one very healthy baby!

Eliminated contestants aren’t in the running for overall biggest loser, but the best of the rest can win $10,000 for themselves. Which is still not too shabby. Be funny if Sam won that too. $30,000 for dropping out early!

Everyone knows how this works, right? Best weightloss percentage since day one will win $10,000. The Hailwoods will be first up.

Sam Start: 109.3kg
Sam Now: 82.7kg
Sam Loss: 26.6kg
Sam Percentage: 24.34%

Not too shabby! She’s in first place right now, of course.

Sylvia needs to have lost 34.4kg to topple Sam, but she’s confident she’s got it done. Let’s find out!

Sylvia Start: 141.7kg
Sylvia Now: 111kg
Sylvia Loss: 30.7kg
Sylvia Percentage: 21.67%

Good result, not enough to knock Sam off. But she’s still over the moon because she was aiming to have lost 30kg by Finale and she’s done it!

Cliff needs to have lost at least 46.5kg. He thinks he might have done it. He definitely would have if he’d been doing things right from the start!

Cliff Start: 191kg
Cliff Now: 142.2kg
Cliff Loss: 48.8kg
Cliff Percentage: 25.55%

Not bad, though not great for someone who got so far into the competition. Especially a large man someone.

Kayla’s last. She needs at least 28.6kg. Which she may have done, she’s looking pretty good. She’d really like to have beaten Cliff at something, she says.

Kayla Start: 110.5kg
Kayla Now: 79.3kg
Kayla Loss: 31.2kg
Kayla Percentage: 28.24%

She screams in delight immediately. Not sure she’d done the math, think she was just super excited about being into the 70s. As she should be! Best in her family too.

Will they do the Pestells next, so she can bask in the glory for the maximum time possible? Or bump her off with an Auvale first?

Yup, Auvales first. Johnee leads the Auvales in a bit of a haka. Steve asks them why they didn’t do that every day before training?! Johnee says they did, Commando just wasn’t there yet. He was in makeup. Steve is pissing himself laughing. Johnee interrupts Fiona as she tries to move things along, Fiona has a bit of a giggle and then gets back to it.

Rina will need to have lost at least 44.1kg. Rina’s not at all confident, knows it’s a big number.

Rina Start: 155.8kg
Rina Now: 120.3kg
Rina Loss: 35.5kg
Rina Percentage: 22.79%

She is VERY EXCITED. She only beat Sylvia, not sure she should be that excited.

Next up, Tenealle. Johnee gives her a kiss on the cheek and then a smack on the bum. Hah!

Tenealle needs more than 37.9kg to get above Kayla. She’s not sure she’s done it either.

Tenealle Start: 134kg
Tenealle Now: 95.9kg
Tenealle Loss: 38.1kg
Tenealle Percentage: 28.43%

She hasn’t beaten Kayla by a lot, but she has beaten her! Kayla doesn’t seem to mind though, is cheering and clapping along with everyone else, which is lovely to see!

Moses needs at least 34.7kg, but Moses says his guns are too heavy. He mock struggles to carry them up to the scales, then does a couple pushups in front of it. Then flexes on the scales. Okay, we get it.

Moses Start: 122kg
Moses Now: 90.1kg
Moses Loss: 31.9kg
Moses Percentage: 26.15%

He doesn’t seem too disappointed in not winning. He says he knew it wouldn’t be enough, but he looks good, hey? Fiona says he looks fantastic.

Can Johnee beat his wife? I mean, can he lose enough weight to overtake her? He needs at least 61.4kg. A huge gasp runs through the crowd at that pronouncement. He was the heaviest contestant to come into the competition. He’s not sure he got that done, but either way one of them will be up there.

Johnee Start: 215.7kg
Johnee Now: 154.3kg
Johnee Loss: 61.4kg
Johnee Percentage: 28.47%

Whoa, right on the money, that’s crazy! Tenealle pretends she’s sad for a moment but she’s obviously thrilled by Johnee’s result.

Next up, Pestells. Leaving Rob for last since he’s going to obliterate them all, I assume.

Ali needs 37.1kg. Ali says she’s got this. I kinda doubt it, but then I doubted she could place in the Super Challenge, so maybe she’s going to surprise?

Ali Start: 130.2kg
Ali Now: 92.9kg
Ali Loss: 37.3kg
Ali Percentage: 28.65%

Whoa! Not by much, but it is more than Johnee’s percentage so she’s claimed the top spot. She’s obviously done great on the outside.

Can Terry topple his daughter? He needs 33.3kg. He says sorry to Ali. Fiona says, “So much confidence!” To which Terry gives a bit of a look. She’s not being mean. I know you’re confused by your gross mean daughters. Anyway, Fiona says we’re going to find out after an ad break. Boooo!

Terry Start: 116.1kg
Terry Now: 85.7kg
Terry Loss: 30.4kg
Terry Percentage: 26.18%

Not quite enough, old man!

Jodie’s next. She needs at least 45.6kg. Yikes!

Jodie Start: 159kg
Jodie Now: 117.3kg
Jodie Loss: 41.7kg
Jodie Percentage: 26.23%

Not enough to beat her twin sister, but who’d’ve guessed she’d ever get so good a result after her first weeks at Camp Biggest Loser?

Mel’s last of all. Go Mel! She needs at least 44.6kg to topple Ali. Mel says anything’s possible, so we’ll see! Be really good to see her at least beat Ali, after how horrible Ali was to her throughout.

Mel Start: 155.6kg
Mel Now: 114kg
Mel Loss: 41.6kg
Mel Percentage: 26.74%

Nope, still not enough. She doesn’t seem too disappointed though, she knows she’s done good and is happy with that.

One contestant remains. The lone Jofre representative, Rob. The one most likely to win this, too.

Rob needs at least 45.5kg to topple Ali. He says he’s not sure, depends how many butterflies he has in his belly. I think he’d actually lost more than that at Camp?

Rob Start: 158.6kg
Rob Now: 99.3kg
Rob Loss: 59.3kg
Rob Percentage: 37.39%

Rob wins $10,000! He immediately walks down the stage straight to his fiancee, gives her a kiss, gets down on one knee and proposes again. 99kg! He says she knows what this means. She asks him if it means he can fit in his old suits? Hahahahaha. Yeah, no wonder those two clowns are together!

Lots of teary eyes in the house and much cheering. Rob apologised on the way to his to-be-wife, guess Fiona was meant to talk to him and stuff first but they’ve rolled with it. Wedding takes priority over silly reality TV!

Time to reacquaint ourselves with the three finalists.

Tony used to make a living as a personal trainer, but his unhealthy lifestyle put a stop to that. He brought his skills and drive to the show and pulled his family along with him. In spite of that, he was the first eliminated. But then also got back into the competition thanks to a herculean effort in the super challenge.

Now… well, you wouldn’t know he’d been a fatty at all. He’s in a skinny top, skinny jeans, looking great. Still a bit of a big head, but he is a Jofre after all!

Fiona says she can’t believe how good he looks, he’s a hottie. Gotta be nice coming from a hottie too!

Tony says they’re a passionate family and they promised Michelle on day one that they’d give it everything they’ve got. And fitness has changed his life, his family’s life and all of his friends lives. He’s going to keep helping other people change their lives too.

Now Pablo! He was the eldest of the brothers, but also the biggest. He was also the biggest softie! And with the Jofre family being a bit hotheaded at times, Pablo also saw service as the peacemaker of the family. He wasn’t a big fan of the conflict in the house. And he was also a bit of an object of desire, with Mel taking a bit of a shine to him.

And now he’s looking pretty dang good in a blue suit with a pink shirt and blue tie. Not sure it’s a great combination but when you see him next to the old version of himself, he’s definitely making it work. Looking a lot happier and more confident strutting down the catwalk than he would’ve back in the day. Fiona says he’s looking sharp. Then asks which one he thinks his Mum is cheering for? Pablo says she’ll be cheering for all of them and his Mum confirms it, they’re all her boys.

Then Tony calls from the sidelines, “Pablo’s her favourite!” Heh!

Daniel was the youngest of the Jofre brothers. His weight was holding him back from living the life he wanted. But he trained hard and the results showed on the scales, with multiple Biggest Loser of the Week titles to his credit. Five times, which has to just about be the record. And one week, he also put weight back on. And got pretty pissed off about it. But after having a bit of a tantrum at weigh in he showed class by apologising to Fiona in the elimination room later that night. Which is also good to see!

And coming out on stage Daniel’s looking pretty classy in a well tailored suit. At least two of the boys wore a suit. Fiona tells him she hardly recognised him, he’s looking great.

Daniel says they’re proud of their family traditions, respect and love of each other. Not so much their past eating habits.

Fiona says the two of them could talk all night, but Daniel has a wedding to get to.

And performing the ceremony, past contestant Kellie Martin from Season 6. She’s looking really good as well, has obviously kept it up. Good to see!

And now, here comes the bride. Aww, she looks lovely in a beautiful white dress. She has kids though. She can’t be wearing white. Oh who cares, it’s a wedding. Hooray!

Vows get exchanged, all the usual crap. There’s a crying baby in the background, which I assume is the newest child? Kids, ruin everything!

They’re now husband and wife. Kissykissy! They do the traditional kiss and then Rob grabs his wife, dips her and gives her another kiss. So romantic! Confettis come down from the roof.

Fiona says they can’t get married without a honeymoon. Rob asks if he’s going back to the Biggest Loser House? No, Hawaii Tourism Oceania are sending them to Hawaii. Which is really lovely of them! Staying at the newly renovated Hyatt Regency Waikiki Beach. It’s a perfect place to relax, celebrate, etc. Plug out of the way. Another ad break and then on with the weigh ins!

Before they do the individual winner, they’re going to do the winning family thing. $100,000 for the biggest losing family of the year.

Pestell Start: 560.9kg
Pestell Now: 409.9kg
Pestell Loss: 151kg
Pestell Percentage: 26.92%

Hailwood Start: 552.5kg
Hailwood Now: 415.2kg
Hailwood Loss: 137.3kg
Hailwood Percentage: 24.85%

Jofre’s next? But they’re going to win, aren’t they? Can’t see the Auvales beating them.

Jofre Start: 579.7kg
Jofre Now: 371.1kg
Jofre Loss: 208.6kg
Jofre Percentage: 35.98%

Wow, smashed it. Auvales can’t top that, none of them got above 35% individual loss. This is kinda pointless now.

Auvale Start: 627.5kg
Auvale Now: 460.6kg
Auvale Loss: 166.9kg
Auvale Percentage: 26.6%

So there you go, the Jofres won. Because of course they were going to. All of their numbers are better than anyone else’s numbers. But hey, $100,000 to the family as a whole. Nice work!

But which brother gets the grand prize? And get $100,000 all to themselves? Except they’ll probably share it anyway because they’re like that.

It is now 9.30pm and the final three have not even stepped onto the scales as individuals yet. Ads are playing. I do not understand how a pretaped show can so consistently run over time!

The dream has come true, an all Jofre finale. And the first to weigh in will be Pablo, which means he probably hasn’t won!

Pablo Start: 158.8kg
Pablo Now: 103.9kg
Pablo Loss: 54.9kg
Pablo Percentage: 34.57%

A great loss, thouh he wouldn’t’ve beaten Rob interestingly enough. As he walked to the scales the crowd was chanting his name and clapping, including his two brothers. So sweet!

Next up, Tony. He’ll need at least 45.1kg. Has he done it? He doesn’t know, he tells Fiona. Let’s find out, Fi replies.

Tony Start: 130.3kg
Tony Now: 87.5kg
Tony Loss: 42.8kg
Tony Percentage: 32.85%

Well, Pablo’s got that beat, but it’s a great result for Tony who is looking super fit now. And Fiona’s definitely appreciating the fitness!

Daniel’s last to weigh in. He won the biggest loser title so many times, can he do it again? He’ll need at least 45.7kg. He’s not sure, Pablo’s number is going to be hard to beat. Yeah, but if he hasn’t then technically Rob’s the Biggest Loser 2015!

Daniel Start: 132kg
Daniel Now: 80.4kg
Daniel Loss: 51.6kg
Daniel Percentage: 39.09%

Romped home! Daniel is officially The Biggest Loser 2015! He’s won $100,000! Well done fella!

Hugs from his Mum and Dad, hugs from Fiona and Mish and congratulations.

And that’s it. Thanks Fiona, thanks everyone reading this, thankyou rainy night, thankyou sparkly dresses!