Tonight on The Biggest Loser… It’s the Grand Finale!

Sam, Kirsten and Alison battle it out for the grand prize, while all the eliminated contestants scuffle over the crumbs.

The voting in the poll here on the Recap says Sam will win, followed by Alison and with Kirsten bringing up the rear. Are you guys as smart as you all think you are? Huh? Are you?

Read on to find out!

Ajay’s in a dress that is doing nothing for her weight problem. It’s black and has some sparkly bits around the waist but my god is it ugly.

BEGIN THE RECAPS! Adro, Chris, blah blah blah. If it’s recapping I ain’t gunna say shit about it. Which means this may very well be the shortest recap ever! ;)

Ajay is pimping a Biggest Loser World First which is going to be very exciting and so on.
The Eliminated Contestants prize is $30,000.

And John is going to be there? What the hell, Ajay? He shouldn’t be there. At all. Disgraceful.

And now we get a recap of old stuff. If we hadn’t watched the season so far and seen this, why would we be watching the Finale? Stupid. Get to the weighing in already!
Although one bit was amusing. Cosi being excited about a weigh in result and then a shot of Michelle seeming to be very excited and pleased about it. Yeah, that’s not at all out of context!

Ajay then says all the contestants had one thing in common – the biggest loser scales. Idiot.

Debbie’s the first to be revealed.
She’s wearing a sleeveless purple gown. A mistake, since the loose skin on her arms is quite apparent. Shocking hairdo and still appears quite chunky under the lower parts of the dress.

Sean’s out next. And oh my. He looks simply amazing. He’s in leather pants and a black shirt, sunnies, kickass short haircut. He is a completely changed man, it’s extraordinary.
Seriously, seriously impressed.

Michael’s out next. He looks a little unhappy and seems to still be carrying a little around the guts. He cheers up as he walks down and gees the crowd up at the end of the catwalk. He’s looking pretty good, but not a patch on Sean.

And now John? Ajay reminds us about John’s indiscretion. He’s not on stage, but he is in the audience. He doesn’t look real impressed when Ajay calls for his round of applause.
He says his health is great now and his grandson is awesome and so on. Ajay asks him what advice he’d give to people with a medical condition and John says you’ve got to just keep battling on, it’s up to you, take control of your own life.
Ajay prompts him about getting medical advice and John says yes, absolutely.
Ajay asks him to get up and show off the body. Then offers him a walk down the catwalk. OH COME ON. You may as well have just had him walk out like everyone else because this amounts to the same thing – an absolute disgrace.
He even gets to join his team on the stage.

Debbie says she didn’t understand the Blue for Life when Shannan pitched it first, but she gets it now and she credits it with getting them so far.
They were underdogs, but they bite!

Ajay says Sean is unrecognisable and the crowd agrees. Sean tells us all again that he’s recently had blood tests done and there’s now no indication that he was ever diabetic!

Michael looks hot, Ajay says.
Michael says it was a tragedy that Monica left in the first week but he’s glad it wasn’t him because he doesn’t think he’d be anywhere close to where he is now.

And now Monica comes out as the only non-teamed person.
Unsurprisingly, for someone who was only there a couple of days, she’s still chubby. But she’s a lot less chubby than she was back at the start and seems to be happier, too. Real, proper happy. Not faux-fat-girl happy.
Monica says her biggest motivation was her family, plus her personal trainer and friends. Ajay says she looks like a princess!

And now it’s time for the Red Team recapping and their stage entry and so on.

Rachel’s the first red out of the gate and she looks terrible. She’s in man clothes and they’re way too tight because she’s still way too fat to be wearing such things.

Next up is Sheridan.
And oh my, she’s a stunner. She comes out in a little red dress. It’s loose around her hips and thighs so she’s probably still packing a little junk in the trunk, but she looks great anyway!

Nicole is out the gates next.
Was she on the show at all? Because you can’t tell.
No, okay, she’s lost some of the hideous belly fat. Or is wearing a super strength girdle. But her face is as fat and unappealing as ever.

Before we see the rest of Red Team we see a replay of Alison going home. INCLUDING A SHOT OF HER HUGGING HER SON. Suck it, haters!
Alison says she’s getting close to looking like a “Yummy Mummy”. Already does as far as I’m concerned!

Nicola comes out next. And as I predicted way back at the start of the season, she looks gorgeous!
There’s still a little meat on her legs but it’s not an unattractive amount, it gives a nice shape to them. And she’s wearing a pretty sparkly dress!

And now it’s time for Cosi.
He’s looking pretty darn buff! Just looks like any regular dude. His boy gets up on stage with him to show off their guns!

Garry as the last eliminated Red comes out last. And big surprise, he’s still super tall!
And I think there’s a lot of support garment under his nice smart-casual clothes because you have to figure there’s a lot of loose skin under there. He’s looking very slim though, which is great!
Garry gives all the credit to his trainer and teammates.

Ajay says Sheridan is looking hot. Michael is looking down at her with longing. Hmmm.

Ajay says one of the most memorable parts of the show was finding out there’s a baby-Cosi on the way and Cosi says yep, they’re doing great!
Nobody’s looking at him with hate in their eyes. Quite a few – Blue and Red – smile over at him. Hmm.

Ajay doesn’t say anything on-screen to Nicole and Rachel though. Double-hmmm.

And the winner of the “Missing Eleven” $10,000 prize is Craig Smith!
He weighed in at 142.3kg at the start and now weighs 91kg, a loss of 51.3kg! Very impressive. 36.5% of his total bodyweight. Let’s see how it stacks up to everyone else!
Craig did it for his son, who he can now spend a lot more time having fun with. Awww!
He gets to come up on stage and yeah, he’s looking pretty damn good.
And I think that was Steven in the crowd applauding him. Hmm.

But we before we move the show along any further, let’s see a bunch of old footage of Kirsten!

Ajay tells us that soon we’ll get to chat to Bob and Jillian. Not sure why, they don’t have anyone in the finale mopping the floor or anything. HA!
But first, here’s some old footage of The Black Team that got kicked pillar to post!

Steven comes out first. Hello, he quit, why is he there? Sigh.
Still has a big round head, but the silly hair is gone!
Still also carrying a bunch of weigh under his very loose fitting suit.
He gets his girl up in his arms on stage and she immediately bursts out crying. Bwah!

Carrianne’s out next. She’s looking better than her twin sister Nicole, but then she started out a lot thinner too.
She seems to have gone backwards from when she left, but I’m sure she’ll have lost a little weight. She surely wouldn’t’ve come back otherwise.

Michelle’s third out. She’s looking pretty tan compared to her before shot and the haircut is a vast improvement!
Still huge around the hips and butt though.

Bryce was the last man standing and he’s not the last out the doors.
And damn, he’s looking very good. He doesn’t look like he’s ever been fat, just looks super fit and trim.

Steven says his daughter was his inspiration.
Bryce has competed in a triathlon! Jeepers. And has been playing footy with a local team.
No talking to Michelle and Carrianne? Hmm.

And now they’re going to make mention of JJ. I’m assuming he’s not there, or he’d’ve come out with Red or Black, surely?
Bryce says JJ is a clown and he’d like to break his nose sometimes. But yes, Bryce would never ever mention threats of physical violence against another Contestant, tra la la, happy families!

Ajay says to JJ that they miss him, wherever he is, and they wish him the best of luck. Awww!

Time for everyone else to weigh in.
Steven is not eligible because he’s a big fat quitter.
Bryce is not eligible because he already cashed out.
John is not eligible because he wasn’t allowed to be because of his medical condition.

But first. THE COMMANDO! Looking very serious and imposing, as always. He chats to Ajay first.
Ajay says, “Traditionally you’ve been a man of very few words.”
Commando stares.
How would you describe this year’s competition? “Intense.”
“Right, thanks for that!” You can tell Steve wants to crack up at that.

Bob and Jillian time now! Bob says he’s proud of them and Jillian is too. And they should be proud of themselves, too.
Jillian says they’re emanating health and happiness.
I’d’ve said oozing. And not health and happiness.

First up is Steven because he’s not eligible for a damn thing.
Steven’s start weight: 166.6kg
Steven’s current weight: 133.5kg
Steven’s loss: 33.1kg
Steven’s percentage: 19.87%

PATHETIC. Ajay says he’s done well. I say Rachel might beat him.

Bryce’s start weight: 139.2kg
Bryce’s current weight: 87kg
Bryce’s loss: 52.2kg
Bryce’s percentage: 37.5%

Phenomenal result. He doesn’t need to lose anymore than that because he’s got the msucles and stuff now, so 87kg is fine for his height. Good for him!

Michelle’s start weight: 120.7kg
Michelle’s current weight: 89.7kg
Michelle’s loss: 31kg
Michelle’s percentage: 25.68%

Reasonable result. Ajay reminds her about knocking back $50,000 to leave early and Michelle says she still has no regrets. Twit!

Carrianne needs to have lost 28.6kg. Unlikely but doable.

Carrianne’s start weight: 111kg
Carrianne’s current weight: 81.2kg
Carrianne’s loss: 29.8kg
Carrianne’s percentage: 26.85%

Just above Michelle, so she’s now in the lead. Until the real competitors start to weigh in.

Sam gets a marriage proposal from someone at his welcome home party. I think the girl was kidding but you never can tell. Girls are very strange.
We don’t really see a lot of his recapping stuff though.

Now it’s time for Red to weigh in… no, wait, first we get to say hi to Michelle!
Michelle’s in a sparkly dress too. Terrible, horrible haircut though. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Makes her look way older and ugly as butt. Such a tragedy.
Michelle is proud of her team though!

Now it’s time to find out who’ll knock Carrianne off the pedestal. Shouldn’t take long!

Rachel’s start weight: 134.7kg
Rachel’s current weight: 115.1kg
Rachel’s loss: 19.6kg
Rachel’s percentage: 14.55%

She says it’s more than she thought. It’s less than I’d hoped for, I wanted Steven to get the wooden spoon! Ahh well.

Nicole needs at least 36.7kg to knock Carrianne off the pedestal.

Nicole’s start weight: 136.3kg
Nicole’s current weight: 99.4kg
Nicole’s loss: 36.9kg
Nicole’s percentage: 27.07%

So lazy, backstabbing two-faced Nicole wiped the floor with… oh, wait, Bryce actually caned them both and just wasn’t eligible to win. Whoops!

Cosi needs 38.2kg. Which he did inside the House I do believe…

Cosi’s start weight: 140.8kg
Cosi’s current weight: 98.2kg
Cosi’s loss: 42.6kg
Cosi’s percentage: 30.26%

Well, there’s a shock. Cosi has made a promise to his woman and his kid that he won’t weigh more than Homer.
Cosi’s the assistant coach to an Under 8’s footy team now, the fitness coach! He’s really stoked by that.
Nicole gives him a hug and a grin as he displaces her. Clearly everyone hates Cosi!

Nicola’s start weight: 112.6kg
Nicola’s current weight: 81.6kg
Nicola’s loss: 31kg
Nicola’s percentage: 27.53%

Ajay says she looks fantastic, like a supermodel!
No way, she needs to be half that weight to be a supermodel! Fatass! FATASS.
She just looks sexy. Not like a supermodel.

Garry needs to have lost 62.5kg to topple Cosi. Cosi cheers him on.

Garry’s start weight: 206.2kg
Garry’s current weight: 135.3kg
Garry’s loss: 70.9kg
Garry’s percentage: 34.38%

Gets a huge cheer from the crowd and gives one of his trademark “YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” cheers. Then he gives another one at the request of Ajay, and even louder and longer one.
Shame Blue’s going to wipe the floor with you!

But wait, Sheridan’s still in the running! She needs 41.3kg. “That’s an Olsen twin!” Ajay asks if it’s two of them?
Think Sheridan may actually have this in the bag, she’s looking good in her skivvies.

Sheridan’s start weight: 120.1kg
Sheridan’s current weight: 75.3kg
Sheridan’s loss: 44.8kg
Sheridan’s percentage: 37.3%

Wow. “That’s so cool!”

Throwing to the break Ajay asks, “Can Sheridan hold on?” And we see a shot of Sheridan grinning and shaking her head, heh.

For those who can’t be bothered scrolling back, Sheridan was a mere .2% behind Bryce. Which sort of puts into perspective how poorly Black did, because I think we all know Sean’s got it in the bag at this point, right?

Monica has to get up by herself, awww!

Monica’s start weight: 116.8kg
Monica’s current weight: 96.1kg
Monica’s loss: 20.7kg
Monica’s percentage: 17.72%

Pretty good for someone who was only there a couple days.

And now… Shannan! Yay!
Shannan’s looking like a drunk gigolo. Twit.
Shannan’s thinks they’re looking good for the quinella!
He says respect and integrity is what has gotten them so far.

John gets to weigh in now too. Stupid. Stupid stupid stupid.

John’s start weight: 150.3kg
John’s current weight: 104.7kg
John’s loss: 45.6kg
John’s percentage: 30.34%

So if you completely ignore doctor’s orders you too can lose 30% of your bodyweight!
John at least admits that he should have listened to his trainer a lot more.

Debbie’s up next.

Debbie’s start weight: 135.2kg
Debbie’s current weight: 92.1kg
Debbie’s loss: 43.1kg
Debbie’s percentage: 31.88%

Not bad, not bad at all! Not enough to bump Sheridan off though.

Sean’s turn now. He needs to have lost at least 65.2kg. OUCH.

Sean’s start weight: 174.6kg
Sean’s current weight: 94.8kg
Sean’s loss: 79.8kg
Sean’s percentage: 45.7%

SLAUGHTERED IT. Incredible.
Sean says the show has saved his life and given him a whole new life.
Sean’s now in the lead for the $30,000 with only Michael in his way!

Michael needs 80kg. Crikey. I don’t think he’s done it. I think it’ll be close, but he won’t have it.

Michael’s start weight: 175kg
Michael’s current weight: 124kg
Michael’s loss: 51kg
Michael’s percentage: 29.14%

Impressive, but not enough!

Sean has just won himself $30,000! Well done Seany!

And now down to the nitty gritty.
But first… Sigh.
One piece of advice from the trainers? Shannan says consistency is the most important thing. John proved that consistency is important. Michelle says keep your calories in check.

First out onto the stage is Kirsten!
But first we have to watch some recap footage again. We already did this!
Lots of chatter from various contestants about how strong she is interspersed throughout.

Kirsten comes out from behind the curtain… holy crap, she has muscles! And collarbones! And muscles!
She’s going to be tough to beat methinks!
Ajay asks if her competitive spirit helped her get so far and Kirsten says definitely.

Next up, Sam!
Shannan says Sam was young and a lot of people thought he’d struggle to make it through the game.
Then lots of other nice things being said about him. And a reminder about how shattered Sam was when he had to go to Red for a while.
Michael says the trait he admired most was how fast Sam grew up.

Now he comes out on stage… SWEET JESUS. Is that really him? He’s skinny as hell!
Well, not Chris “Skeletor” Garling skinny. But he looks amazing, as Ajay remarks.
Sam says he couldn’t do it at home but he needed to do it to save his life.

Alison is last of all.
Everyone says lots of nice things about her. Kirsten says Alison never whinged in training, she just got it done. And Shannan says about halfway into the game, she just went BANG on the scales.
And Shannan also says he would never, ever bet against her.

She comes out from behind the curtain… MILF! MILF! MILF!
She’s looking just as trim, taut and terrific as Kirsten. And she has the lovely wavy hair back instead of that god awful straightened crap she had when she left!
Ajay says she looks smoking hot.
She was a size 26 when she went into the House and today? She’s wearing a size 10! Crikey!
I can’t pick who’ll win. All three of them look phenomenal. Just extraordinarily good.

And coming up after the break, “live on this very stage”. Yeah, right Ajay. Don’t pretend like this is live.

First to weigh in will be… Alison!
who looks awesome in her singlet.
She’s not that nervous, for a change!

Alison’s start weight: 121.7kg
Alison’s current weight: 66.5kg
Alison’s loss: 55.2kg
Alison’s percentage: 45.36%

Kirsten’s face was hilarious and she immediately mouths “SHIT!”
Just behind Sean. Only just, a tiny tiny amount behind him. Amazing.

Next person will be… Kirsten!
Kirsten needs 57.6kg. She’s shaking her head, I don’t think she’s got it? She thinks it’ll be close, but not quite!

Kirsten’s start weight: 126.8kg
Kirsten’s current weight: 71.9kg
Kirsten’s loss: 54.9kg
Kirsten’s percentage: 43.3%

Close but no cigar! She looks great though and she weighs less than she expected, so she’s not disappointed at all!

Sam versus Alison? Wow.
Sam needs at least 70.2kg. Wow. Sam has a scared look on his face. Alison has a shocked look on her face. If Sam makes it, he’ll be the youngest winner ever. If Alison wins, she’ll be the first ever female winner. Woo!

Sam’s start weight: 154.6kg
Sam’s current weight: 82.9kg
Sam’s loss: 71.7kg
Sam’s percentage: 46.38%

HE’S DONE IT! But sweet jebus was it close! All three within a couple of percentage points of each other, extraordinary!
Congratulations Sam!

One more surprise to come, Ajay says.

After an ad break. In which a lot of people probably switched off because we know who won now!

Alison in second place gets a paltry $25,000 prize. Kirsten gets $10,000. Weak! The prizes for the top three should be more than the runners up prize!

“The Biggest Loser Super Scales”. They’re all going to weigh in together to show how much they’ve lost as a group. Oh. How rivetting. They couldn’t just tell us the total figure, could they?
All the Biggest Loser Club 11 come out to get on the scale, too.

When they first came in the gates they weighed in at 4,051.5kg. Crikey.
Through diet, exercise and hard work, they now weigh. 2,897.6kg
Loss: 1,153.9kg
Pretty big number. But we all know some of them contributed to that figure a little more than others.

Ajay says we can head to the official site now and watch the whole show over again. And it’s been an honour sharing in the journey with everyone.
But no mention of a new series? That does not bode well…

And that’s all she wrote, folks! No more Australian Biggest Loser for this year. Possibly no more Biggest Loser ever!
Congratulations to Sam, the overall Biggest Loser, and to Sean, the winner of the Runners Up prize.
And to all of the contestants this year, I hope you manage to maintain your losses and continue to live a healthy lifestyle. Thanks for entertaining us all this year!