So far on The Biggest Loser… there be fat people in the house!

Oh, forget it, go read my recap if you’ve already forgotten.

Would you like to know what happened this episode?

Michelle and Shannan jog up to the House, not knowing what to expect. Still no teams, still no challenges, he thinks there’s not been a Temptation but there has been, of course.

Everyone is sore! And they tell the trainers about the Temptation and Michelle rolls her eyes and wonders what she’s going to have to take out of their hides, essentially.
They lay out the Temptation for the trainers and tell them that nobody broke. Michelle is very surprised and pleased. “We’re going to do it through hard work this week!”
Michelle asks if nobody has immunity this week then and they explain that Kirsten has it through chance.
Shannan is proud that they stuck together, because it shows fortitude, strength and discipline, which he admires. But he thinks the contestants are a bit naive when it comes to the game.

“Here’s what I think, what do you get, what do you lose and what’s it going to cost you. You guys have to remember, this is a game.” – Shannan
Monica was a bit taken aback by that because she’s got close to everyone.

Shannan’s going to take most of the class out with him to train while Michelle has singled out Rachel and JJ for some intensive training. Rachel’s looking mighty nervous, which Michelle found priceless!

Michelle’s session first. Michelle wants to show Rachel what she’s capable of and to have JJ show Michelle what he’s capable of.
No mucking around, they’re going to feel the full wrath of the tiny little lady!
Michelle can see that JJ is pissed off right from the start and the harder they train, the more angry he gets. Michelle says that he knew she’d be on his back… but he wasn’t prepared for the fact that she would be literally on his back.
She’s tiny! Suck it up ya wuss! People would pay good money to have Michelle climb on top of them!

He says it’s the first time in his life he’s wanted to get a woman off his back. He’s not happy.
Michelle wants him to go for it, hard, fast and quick. Lots of shouting at him.
JJ says the most exercise he’d ever done was walking around his truck. Nothing to this extreme. He thinks he was coping with it alright, but he was wondering how much more he has to go, they’re going full tilt already he thinks to himself.
Michelle says the real battle for JJ is not the physical side of things, he’s quite fit, it’s the emotional side. He needs to understand why he’s the weight he is, he needs to get real!
Michelle starts to dig into him, telling him she doesn’t understand why he’s trying to play the joker, the smartass. “It’s earning you no favours.” She tells him it’s not him.
Finally she comes up with the idea of some boxing training because she thinks that will really get him out of his shell. She keeps trying to push his buttons and eventually he missed one of the mitts and misses her just barely.
She doesn’t seem too upset though, she was trying to get him to get his aggression out.

Michelle asks him how he’s sitting within the house. And he says he doesn’t know or care. Michelle asks him how that is and he responds that it’s fine, you’re born alone and you die alone. And Michelle tells him to stop hiding behind the cliches.
Michelle gets him up on the treadmill and asks him why he wants to be there. JJ responds like a smartass and says he doesn’t know, he bought a ticket not knowing what he got himself into.
In an aside he says that for him it’s not a psychological journey, it’s simple – the more you exercise and the better you eat, the more you lose weight. Which is right, but not really the point.
Michelle keeps digging away and tells him he’s there to learn. JJ stops her and says, “You know what I’m here for?” And then he commits the cardinal sin of STOPPING HIS EXERCISE. Tsk tsk tsk.

Michelle tells him to keep running and he says no. Uh-oh!

He says he’s not happy with the way he’s living here and Michelle rolls her eyes and says, “JJ PUH-LEEEEEEEASE.” He claims he could do this on the outside and Michelle rightly points out that he hasn’t, and why not?
JJ says he’ll pack his bags and go do it on the outside.
Michelle is pissed. Fifteen people had to walk back out the gates who would kill to be in JJ’s position, but he doesn’t care?
JJ doesn’t care, he says go and get them and have them live in the conditions he’s living in. “You’re no better than me and you won’t break me and I don’t give a hoot.” – JJ
Michelle says in an aside that as far as she’s concerned, there’s the door, walk through it, because she’s got 14 other people who do want to be there and she’ll go train them.

So now instead of a whiny quitter, we have a moron. Hooray!

Michelle tries to find him shortly thereafter to have a chat. Footage of JJ ascending the stairs and saying the bit about him going to pack his bags, so not related to The Walk, actually.
Am I alone here in hoping Michelle can’t talk him down?

Michelle thinks walking would be the worst decision he could make. He needs to get past it because this is the stuff that’s holding him back. He hasn’t decided yet so he heads outside to have a sit down and get some fresh air.
Michelle comes out the front door to come have a chat with him and she’s terrified, thinking they were going to get back into it.

And JJ extends his hand to shake hers. Michelle is very impressed and says it’s a big deal doing that.
JJ says he might be angry at the time but he won’t hold grudges.
He tells Michelle that it’s not him and her living in the Gym that’s causing the problem, it’s the whole situation, presumably with all the cameras and all the people in the House. Michelle says he’s a long haul truck driver, he’s used to being on the road, on his own, for weeks on end.
“It’s sort of like grabbing an eagle that’s been soaring over the desert and putting him in a cage.” – JJ. Sure, if the eagle was really fat!

JJ says to her not to tell him he doesn’t know who he is. She said to him to bring out the real him, why is he like this?
“Why are you still yelling at me?” “Because you give me the shits!”
In an aside he says he’s not there to go on an emotional journey, it’s just to lose weight.
“You’ll never ever work out or understand what makes me tick! And if you do, you’ll be the first person.” – JJ. He’s single, ladies.
“Why are you so angry?” “Some people just are.” “I don’t believe that for a second.”
Michelle thinks he’s been brought up to not cry, be a man, take it on the chin, never show your heart, always be in control. She thinks it’s going to be hard work for him to open up and be honest and truthful about some stuff.
He says the thing he’s missing the most from the outside world is someone he’ll probably never see again. A lot of things have happened in recent times, apparently.
Michelle says that he was in a long term relationship just before entering the house and she thinks he’s still hurting.
“And I do want you to train me, because I do believe in you as much as you believe in me, believe it or not.” “Alright, I’ll keep training you then.”
“With every breakdown, there’s a breakthrough.” – Michelle’s belief. Proven right yet again. Suck it, haters!

Time for… THE WALK.
Guess what Kirsten is feeling? That’s right boys and girls, she’s nervous. She takes the time to tell us. Because we couldn’t guess.
Guess what everyone else is feeling? Nervous!
Seriously, all the reactions are a carbon copy of what the reactions were last year.

Shannan tells us the contestants have only been in the house a short time and they’re already thinking about food a different way.
And then he tells us what the point of the Warehouse will be – it’s to teach them about healthy choices. They chose the right food this week, but some of them don’t like seafood. So Shannan’s going to take some time to see how everyone’s doing with the seafood diet.
But first he noticed that JJ’s fugly beard is gone. Shannan asks him if Michelle knocked the whiskers off him.
He says it’s the new him. In a side bit Shannan is telling us the beard being gone was one thing but he also had a different look in his eye.
“Might help in the weigh in, too.” – JJ

Shannan’s concerned that because some of them don’t like seafood they might not be eating enough in general to compensate.
Sam says he hasn’t tried it because the last time he tried it he vomited. Shannan says that it was different before, that was the old Sam!
Shannan says you’ve got to get in and try it in order to expand your knowledge and expand your taste.

No, you don’t, Shannan. Seafood is gross! Ner!

He also asks them about their eating habits back at home. He asks about steak sandwiches and explains that they’re actually not bad. What you need to do is get them on wholemeal or multigrain bread, plus get some tomato, sauce, onion, beetroot and lettuce, no butter, and that’s a pretty good meal.
Then he asks them about chicken kebabs. Their immediate assumption was that they would be no good. Not so! Says Shannan. Because the meat is cooked on a skewer, the fat all runs down and out of the meat. All you need to do is ask the guy to cut your bits of chicken off from the top and it’s all good. And if you want to go even better, eat the top half of the bread then that’s your carbs done. Open her up at that point and scoff down the chicken and vegetables out of it, then chuck the last bit of bread away. It’s a little wasteful, but if you’re looking to eat healthy and a fast food shop is your only option, it’s a good tip!
He says the lessons they learn will last a life time. He wants them to understand food, understand temptation and the choices they make will help them keep the weight off for the rest of their lives.

And now we’re off with Kirsten on her Walk.
Big decision, lots of thinking, ooh drama, etc. It could affect everyone’s future in the game.
Hey! It’s a crab! Sorry, there was a crab in the mangrove mud.

The Walk has five pedestals this year. They’re not spaced evenly, however. Three at the back of the platform, two closer to the bridge. Subconcious manipulation?
Ajay fills her in on the responsibility, don’t take it lightly, destinies are created here, lives are changed, dreams can be cruelly taken away. Expect the unexpected!
Because of Kirsten, before the sun sets the course of the game will be changed forever!

Ajay says that until now there have been no teams, no weigh ins, and no eliminations. Until now! Da-da-dunnnnnnn!
Kirsten will eliminate one contestant forever! You bastards!

Her choice will be final and cannot be overturned. Unless the producers decide to change their mind.

The stones each have 3 contestants name on them and she must select one of those people. Damn, better get that JJ stone!
Stone #1: Alison, Cosi and Debbie
Stone #2: Garry, JJ and John
Stone #3: Nicola, Nicole and Rachel
Stone #4: Sam, Sean and Sheridan
Stone #5: Kirsten, Michael and Monica

If she pulls out stone #5, the one with her name on it, she will be allowed to eliminate herself, should she so wish.

She tries looking through the flowers into the urn to see if she can see any names, trying to make the right choice.
Which stone does she get? Find out after the break, of course.

Well, unless you have a PVR like me and can freeze on the point where she turns it around and you can see Michael’s name, which means it’s Stone #5, with herself, Michael and Monica. DA-DA-DUNNNNNNNNN!
Will she fall on her sword? Find out after the break! Unless they stretch it out for two segments!

Kirsten heads back to the house, predicting people will be upset, people will be angry. Not a nice situation.
Alison thinks it’ll be something to test friendships, rock the closeness they have.
Kirsten looks worried as she comes in, apparently. John says she looked pretty upset.

Kirsten explains the urns.
“That’s harsh” – Sean.
Alison’s stomach turned inside out. Handy!
Michael asks her if someone’s name is on the back of the rock and Kirsten says yes. She explains that there’s actually 3 names on the rock and she has to choose between the three.
“I hope I’m not on that stone!” – Michael. Oh dear.
“Somebody is going home!” – Monica

Kirsten reveals the stone and… yep! Kirsten, Michael and Monica are on it. Michael’s pretty cut up.
Someone’s stroking Monica’s shoulder. Can’t see who it is, just a hairy pit!

Kirsten says that the only thing she’s certain of is that she won’t vote herself out. Maybe.
She goes off to talk to Michael first and Michael says all he’s done in his life is be fat. “What am I supposed to tell to my folks?” It’s a little incoherent. But whatever he said, someone will be disappointed, again.
He says it’s been the hardest thing he’s ever done. By far. But he hasn’t really been tested yet. He’s not ready to go home. He’s got a 50-50 chance of going home.

She goes to chat to Monica next and she says that as she expected, there was lots of tears.
“I’m here to make my Dad proud!” – Monica
Kirsten says Monica’s there for much the same reason Kirsten and Michael are there, to make their Dad’s proud.
Kirsten and Monica have a close relationship and Kirsten knows this is very important to Monica.
Monica says she’s always been teased, but here she fits in very well. It helps her because she sees other people in the same boat.
Monica’s the one with the bung ankle. The doctors have told her that it’s getting better. She’s wondering whether she can do right by her team if she stays.

Kirsten says there’s two sides to it. Monica’s injured, but Michael wants to win, so he’s a threat.
Alison feels very sorry for Kirsten. She goes to find her and gives her a big fat hug.

And after the break, we find out who she picked. With a tease that we’ll catch up with the contestant back at home. But it’s clearly a different contestant than the last tease we got for the eliminated contestants, since it’s a fat woman’s bum instead of a fat guy’s leg!
Not sneaky enough, Mr Producer Man! I noticed your sneaky sneakness once more. It doesn’t really help me work out who’s going home but… I win anyway. Ha!

All the White House fatties trundle out of the house to find out who’ll be eliminated. The name is hiding under the silver platter of occasional glowing doom.
Everyone’s pretty upset by the whole thing.
Hi, Ajay! Nice black dress thing!

Ajay tells us that never before in Australian Biggest Loser history has someone been eliminated in the very first week. You don’t suppose that’s because it’s a really bloody shithouse idea, do you? Making history is not always a good thing!

Kirsten’s got a sort of sick look on her face. Maybe she has fallen on her sword?
Monica and Michael are both really upset. Kirsten’s just sort of… resigned.
“Kirsten, it’s time to cut the fat.”

Kirsten says the decision is based on who is more deserving of continuing on. Therefore she’s choosing to eliminate… Monica? Seriously?
Okay…
Kirsten goes on to explain in a side bit that Michael has done a lot more and Monica’s injury has held her back.

Ajay makes a big deal again of Kirsten’s decision being final and it’s time for her to go. Something smells fishy, folks.
Monica’s pretty upset, obviously, but she has best wishes for everyone. Michael’s relieved he’s still in the game, but he’s still sort of sickened and sad that in order for him to stay, someone has to die. Someone has to go home.
Monica tells everyone to try really hard and she’ll be thinking of them on the outside.

Kirsten’s upset, she knew Monica would cry. She hopes she’s made the right decision.
Monica thinks she’s become a stronger person since coming to the house. She’s learnt a lot and had an amazing experience she won’t forget.

Now we finally get to go see the Black Team’s first workout. Jillian says they’re a little bit hesitant, little bit excited.
Carrianne says she was shit-scared.
Bob says they’ll never forget this first workout and he doesn’t want them to because he wants them to remember how hard it is to get this kind of weight off.
Jillian says they like to work with them individually on day one. They want to see their limitations, what will make them quit, what will make them cry, what their buttons are, what will make them throw up. How hard does it have to get till they throw in the towel.

Jillian’s pushing Steven really hard. Asks him if he wants to quit, does he want to quit. Get those weights up or she’ll consider him to have quit!
“I didn’t fly you all the way out here to have you bitch about your arms, do you understand me?!” – Jillian
She starts shouting GO at him a lot and a lot of other things.
Steven says if you put the Commando’s workout and Shannan and Michelle’s workout together, you might have an idea of what it was like for him.
“Goooooo, Steven.” She tells him he’s quit, and she doesn’t care. She doesn’t know him, she doesn’t have the time to fight for him if he’s not going to fight. He’s got three seconds to get started again.
He just can’t do anymore though, so she gets him up and has him start working on the treadmill.

Bob has Bryce, working him hard… Until he pukes. “Aww, dammit, is Bryce puking?” – Jillian
Bob calls out that he needs Bryce to come back in.

Jillian takes Michelle on next. Michelle is petrified!
“It’s just exercise, isn’t it? It’s just exercise!” – Jillian
Jillian says Michelle had a lot of, “I can’t do it!” And Jillian forced her to do it and of course, she could do it. “What happened, all of a sudden you’ve got the power, don’t ya?”
At the end of her workout Jillian has her on the stairmaster, which finally gets a puke out of her. We don’t see the puke as it happens but I think maybe Jillian might have almost wore it. Then she got off the stairmaster and it cuts to another shot of her getting up from a big pool of liquid, thankfully not chunky!
“You know that you’ve worked hard, when you’ve thrown up.” – Michelle says Jillian told her.

Jillian then talks to Steven again and he was crushed. And she asked him what his choice was going to be and then he knocked out 10 chest presses, no problem.
Jillian is happy now. She asks him why he thinks he’s not worth it.
He says he’s been big his whole life and Jillian says yeah, that’s not easy.
Jillian says his hangup is years of being told he’s ugly, he’s weak, he’s worthless. Jillian says he has beautiful hair, beautiful eyes. Steven says nobody tells him those things. Jillian points out she’s telling him!

Bob says Carrianne has “that look”. All through the workout, even when she was dying, she kept that look in her eyes.
“Damn, Carrianne! Where did you come from girl?” “Adelaide!”
Bob keeps throwing Nicole’s name at Carrianne to keep her motivated. Bob thinks that Carrianne is the girl to watch out for.
He has her running on the treadmill and when she’s done, Jillian lets out a “JESUS.”
“Now Carrianne has blood in her mouth. And she’s like, game is on. With everyone, including my sister!” – Bob

Bob and Jillian high-five at the end of the workout. And Jillian says in an aside that she doesn’t think Black Team is a threat right now. But they will be when Bob and her and done with them.

And now we have to go home with poor Monica.
2 months on and she’s looking much better than when she joined the show. She’s seeing a personal trainer 3 times a week and she’s really enjoying it.
She’s eating a lot more healthy and exercising a lot more.
Since appearing on the show she has lost 17.6kg. Pretty good for a Week 1 eliminee. Her body shape is vastly improved, too.

Tomorrow night the teams will be formed at last! And it’s something to do with that weird hessian maze that was in the promos.
No clue how it’s going to work, but there looks to be a heck of a lot of frustrated fat people wandering around for hours on end, so clearly a good time will be had by all… of us at home.