Previously on The Biggest Loser, the contestants were as happy as pigs in mud! Or at least as sweaty as pigs in mud. And muddy as pigs in mud. Piggy as mud in pigs?

Tonight, those accepted into the White House will face the scales for the first time and the Commando begins kicking some fat booty.

And tonight we finally get the credits for the show… And Shannon Noll’s Lift is back! Thank the baby Jebus everyone!
Amusingly there’s a point right near the end where they’ve obviously cut it a little short so they can fit more people in the credits? Or just sloppy editing? Time will tell.

Want to know what else happened in tonight’s episode?

Tonight’s episode starts with the fatties that John West rejected, heading down to the beach in the big black Hummers.

Biiiig sand dunes. I guess to match the biiiiiiig people.

Commando Steve jumps out of the Hummer and shouts at everyone to get out of the cars and get up one of the dunes. And as Bryce says, when the Commando says jump, you say how high!
Steve reminds us that he spent 10 years in the military. He did things we wouldn’t believe and things that would blow our mind. Cool!
He’s on a secret mission to select an elite squad that one day could change the course of the game.

Sandy’s really struggling. She says her legs just turned to jelly virtually straight away.

They all get to the top of the hill and look down over the edge and there’s a huge “bowl” of sand. They all run down helter skelter to the bottom.
“Take a look around. There’s nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.” – Commando

He informs them that they’re on a secret mission. Shannan, Michelle, the other contestants, they don’t know anything about this. They all thought the rejects couldn’t cut the mustard, etc.
You’ve seen this all before if you saw the US series. It’s basically the same as Jillian’s Black Team motivational spiel. “The other people all think you’re hobos. Gunna prove ’em wrong?”

Steve says only a select few will get through to have another chance at getting into the house. He has the training session from hell planned for them all, to sort the weak from the strong and decide who deserved to be in the house.

Meanwhile, back at the house, the fish John West didn’t reject are back at the House waking up to their first full day on The Bigg… OH DEAR GOD MY EYES.
Please, John, get yourself some pyjamas! He’s wearing briefs and nothing else. Scary, scary sight!

Sheridan is feeling really lucky, but not looking forward to finding out how heavy she is.

They all trudge off in their underdaks to the weigh-in room for their first official weigh-in. Lots of pretty embarassed folks here. Alison can’t remember the last time she exposed that much of her body.

But it’s okay, Ajay is there! And hey, she has a nice dress, too!

Lots of patter about how it’s been a while since many of them have been weighed.
Move along please Ajay!

Oh hey, there’s a Burgen ad with Shannan AND Michelle. Awesome!

First person on the scales is…
Alison!

She walks up, hoping the earth would just swallow her up. She’s never told anyone how much she weighs, much less the whole of Australia.

Alison’s Starting Weight: 121.7kg

She’s embarassed by her weight. She doesn’t know how she let it get that bad. She won’t go swimming in the local pool with her kids, because even though her kids don’t care, other people do.
“Are you worried about dying before seeing your kids grow up?” Well if she wasn’t before, Ajay, she will be now!

“Kids, this is the last time you’ll see me like this. I’m coming home beautiful!”

The next person to face the scales will be… Michael!
He’s very nervous. Hoping for some miracle weight!

Michael’s Starting Weight: 175kg

He says it slammed home that he hasn’t got a proper mental picture of his weight, he’s a lot heavier than he thinks.
Michael is the chap who says that if he died the only thing he could give God would be a bunch of fat excuses. And I’ll point out, again, that he wouldn’t get past the Pearly Gates – gluttony and sloth are sins!
Ajay asks him if he’s let anyone down other than himself and Michael says he’s let his little brother down, because what little brother would aspire to be like him?

Debbie pipes up here with an aside, saying that Michael is a lovely guy and he just needs a little confidence.

AHH! SCARY LESBIAN!
Rachel’s next! Seems to have a cheerful disposition. She says that everyone is there for the same reason and she’s got the kilos to lose and who knows what’ll happen!

Rachel’s Starting Weight: 134.7kg

She doesn’t look too surprised.
She says that her partner is tiny and she doesn’t want to feel like such a giant. Ajay asks her about her partner and Rachel replies that her name is Jess, and she’s hot!!!
Further proof that there is something wrong with lesbian’s brains! Jess is not hot!
Or perhaps there’s something wrong my brain and she really is. I’m sure she’ll end up on screen again so you all can judge for yourselves. Maybe Jess has a pair of really nice… ankles.
Anyway. Enough of being distracted by lesbians!
Jess apparently weighs 50-55kg. And Rachel realises that that means she’s about 80 kilos heavier. “I must squish her!”

John’s up next.
He says it was pretty daunting, when you know that sometimes people are looking at you, but this time they’re guaranteed to be looking!

John’s Starting Weight: 150.3kg

John tells Ajay he’s doing it for his family. He’s about to become a grandfather for the first time. Apparently the bub is actually due “today” (ie; the day this was filmed) so he’s actually missing out on that by being there. His daughter is quite cute!
Then he talks down the camera to say sorry to his girl but it’s for the best, so he can be there for a long time for them.

Kirsten is next. She says she wants to get back to being the fit healthy water polo player she used to be.

Kirsten’s Starting Weight: 126.8kg

She wants her Dad to be proud of her again!

Sean’s worried the walkway won’t support his weight. And scarily enough it gives some disturbing cracks as he walks up.
Cosi tells us Sean has had a tough life with a lot of ups and downs and needs the show more than some of the others.
And we go to ad break while the numbers bleep…

Sean’s Starting Weight: 174.6kg

It’s actually not that bad. He has a truly enormous gut on him. I was expecting above 200kg.
He’s 45, recently found out he has diabetes and he had an older brother who passed away about 5 years ago. He was overweight, unfit, had diabetes and didn’t make it to being over 40. And Sean said that’s ridiculous.
JJ is very impressed by the courage of Sean, getting up in front of everyone with that huge gut and talk about his brother.

Debbie’s next. She doesn’t want to be alone but when it comes to meeting someone she always thinks she’s fat, so no one will want her, so she doesn’t allow anyone in.

Debbie’s Starting Weight: 135.2kg

Debbie says things along the lines of you’d be great if you lose a little weight, can’t take you out in public and the heart gets smaller and smaller.
Do guys really do that? Seriously? I know I’m fairly unusual in many respects, but I wouldn’t’ve thought anyone really says such things. Hmm.

Anyway, next is… NICOLA!
Gary says he was surprised that Nicola is the weight she is and he thinks she’s a lovely girl so he hopes she can lose the weight she wants to lose.

Nicola’s Starting Weight: 112.6kg

Ajay asks her how long she’s been overweight and Nicola says since about 9 years old. Her parents were always concerned about her weight, always telling her to lose weight, which she interpreted as them not loving her, when she should have seen it as a loving gesture.
Sound familiar? She’s so much like Laura from last season it’s freaky.
Rachel grins at her. Maybe Nicola’s a lesbian too? Woohoo!

JJ’s next. First time in a long time he’s been scared of something that wasn’t going to punch him, wasn’t going to hurt him.

JJ’s starting weight: 131.6kg

And from the first episode where I said he didn’t look that fat? Yeah, there’s a lot of blubber that was being hidden by that shirt. And a hell of a lot of hair! *shudder*
JJ says it’s downright un-Australian being that heavy. He wants to attract a special someone, he does want to settle down, but first he’s gotta put a lot of work in.

Sheridan’s up next. She’s one of the people who has been pegged as a potential pretty girl at the end and… well, I don’t see it at the moment. She has her hair down in her face and just isn’t looking like anything special. Perhaps one of the inevitable hairdressers on the show can help her out there?
She says she wants to be attractive and anyone who says they don’t want to be attractive is lying. Oookay.

Sheridan’s Starting Weight: 120.1kg

She says it makes her feel rotten and mortified. She’s 26 and she feels like she’s wasting her life, because she’s supposed to be confident and sassy and looking beautiful and having these passionate affairs.
Because being thin will lead to instant sex orgies? It doesn’t, okay. It just doesn’t!

Cosi is next. He said he started sweating like crazy right away.

Cosi’s Starting Weight: 140.8kg

He says he’s got some terrible eating habits. He’ll eat a cupcake laying on the lounge watching TV. Instead of getting up and chucking away the wrapper, he’ll eat the wrapper, because it still has cake on it!
I hereby nominate Cosi as LEGEND OF THE SERIES. Or possibly “First Hobo To Appear On Biggest Loser”.
He tells Ajay he wants to get his life sorted out, he’s got a 7 year old and he’s trying to get his missus up the duff again. He says he thinks guys have a responsibility to be in good nick when trying to have kids. He’d feel mortified if something was wrong with his kid because of all the crap he’s put in his body.

Next is Nicole!
She’s one of the twins, don’t forget.

Nicole’s Starting Weight: 136.3kg

Ajay asks her if she remembers when she started putting on weight and Nicole says it was when her Dad died. She was just 10 at the time. Ouch.
She said it’s hard to know how to control her emotions, so she ate, because that’s the only way she knew how to deal with it.
Ajay then reminds her that she’s a twin (THANKS AJAY) and she’s there because her sister gave up her spot for her. And then the famous, “YIP!” And she says she’s doing it for herself and for her sister Carrianne.

Monica the Munnalita clone. Brunette with blonde streaks in her hair.

Monica’s Starting Weight: 116.8kg

She tells Ajay she’s been overweight since Year One. People used to tease her and still to this day tease her. Ajay asks if she thinks she deserved it and she says no, nobody deserves that.
What message would she give to the people who have teased her? “It’s my time to shine.” Oh yeah, that’s telling them honey! Woo!

Sam’s turn. Nicola says he’s very big, but he’s so young, he shouldn’t be like that.

Sam’s Starting Weight: 154.6kg

Dear God! That’s more than all but one of the other guys so far?
He says he’s saddened by his weight, because he let it get to that stage.
He says he’s doing it for his family and friends so they can stop worrying about him.

Last, but not least, is Garry.
He’s thinking he’ll be the heaviest there. He’s a very tall dude so I think it’s likely.

Garry’s Starting Weight: 206.2kg

Nicole was shocked. Garry says he’s about 30 kilos more than the next guy.
Garry says his Dad is a hard man to impress. He’s doing it for him, so his Dad will be proud of him.

2137.3kg combined weight. Scary.
Ajay reminds them all that from now on, every time they stand on the scales, it will be in competition.

Michael says it’s game on for him, game on since he walked in the gate. Nicole says they’d better watch out because she’s there to lose some weight!

And tomorrow night the contestants face… The Warehouse. OOOOOOOOOOOH.
Anyway, there’s some bickering going on and it looks like Rachel’s going to flip JJ off after he starts mouthing off at people again. It’s looking like he might be swinging towards the annoying side of things, folks!

We also see some more Commando training and a short bit of Bob and Jillian, where Bob looks down the camera and says, “You are now the black team.” Followed by a plane zooming past overhead. Are the rumours of contestants flying to America to be with Bob and Jillian true?

Find out tomorrow night. Maybe.
Hour long episode tomorrow night so if you record it, be sure to set your timers accordingly!